Misfit in International Development?

View from my previous home.

Today I moved into a new apartment in Hyderabad, and am now living with an American flatmate.  Previously, I was living with an Indian family – an educating and enriching experience, but also not without its frustrations due to cultural differences.  Now in this apartment, I immediately feel ‘at home’.  A small part of me, however, feels somehow guilty that I have retreated to an apartment that has a sense of North American familiarity (of course, with numerous Indian twists) – rather than keep pushing my limits of cultural immersion.  In fact, it is at this point that I must admit, on the whole, I really appreciate having a comfortable and familiar place to return to in the evening.  Therefore if going ‘into the field’ means sleeping under difficult conditions (including lack of water or electricity, unclean bathrooms or bed mattresses, etc.) then maybe I am more cut-out for office than front-line development work.  The field is exciting, and I immensely enjoy and appreciate how much I learn in the field – but just in shorter bursts of time.  So does this admission make me a ‘bad’ development practitioner?

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It was five weeks into my placement, during a couple hour car ride, when a senior work colleague admitted to having informally ‘psycho-analysed’ me – why did I always appear to have something weighing on my mind?  Past foreigners at the NGO seemed, he claimed, to be much more animated.  This bothered me on a few levels: firstly, because I felt it was an inaccurate assessment of me; and secondly, I was now worried that everyone in the office thinks I disliked them or my job.  (Although in my early days at the organization someone called me ‘Miss Smiley’ – probably because I defaulted to smiling* as I met people and instantly couldn’t remember their names; or for my lack of understanding of what was going on around me.)  It took me a while to realize that the reason I was giving this supposed ‘less excited’ impression was that, compared to their past foreign interns, this was my third trip to India, I am preoccupied with a number of personal side-projects (thus I have parallel priorities beside just my NGO work), I am probably a few years older than the average past interns, and I am an introvert.  These qualities by no means impact my interest or enthusiasm in my work, or capability to do a good job.  It just means it isn’t written all over my forehead.

This experience, however, touches upon something deeper.  It draws back many years, perhaps even to my International Development classes during undergraduate studies: what ‘kinds’ of people study and work in international development?  (And I am not talking about the suits of the World Bank here, but the people closer to the grassroots-level NGOs.)  I was never one to work on an organic farm or use worms to compost my food scraps, browse second-hand clothes shops or abandon make-up, strike a conversation with any and all locals I meet.  In a way, I envy those who seem more carefree, instantly at easy in new surroundings, chatty and seemingly full of boundless energy.  But it also just isn’t me – I am a little more reserved, self-conscious, and analytical.  It does not diminish my interest in international development; but does it make me a misfit for working in an international development environment?

While at the Coady Institute prior to coming to India, I had a conversation with a colleague, who felt she sometimes had a hard time because others struggled to understand how she could have such a deep passion for fashion, and work in international development.  What is wrong with keeping up with trends or blow-drying your hair even if you are working in the field?  Where is the conflict of interest – does this in any way diminish your ability to do your work?  Another colleague working in an African country expressed her initial concern over being labelled as ‘serious’ – and the potential negative associations of being boring, grumpy, curt, stressed, or fun-hating – not at all how she would describe herself.  Combating some kind of stereotypical image of a development worker, therefore, comes from numerous directions.

In North American society, extroverts are praised and aspired to.  Introverts are broadly misunderstood and believed to be entirely void of any social skills.  In truth, the difference is that introverts prefer less stimulating environments, listen more, think before they speak, and thrive in quiet concentration – while extroverts are energized by social situations, are typically more assertive, and think out loud and on their feet.  Recently, however, there has been stir about the power of introverts – in part led by Susan Cain’s book titled Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking and her great TED talk. (Or check out her website.)  Can you even imagine what our world would look like if everyone was an extrovert?  (Apparently between one-third to one-half of Americans are introverts.)  Cain argues how modern Western culture misunderstands and undervalues the traits and capabilities of introverted people, leading to “a colossal waste of talent, energy, and happiness.”

Western culture, prior to the twentieth century was a “culture of character,” shaped around morality and quiet integrity.  Yet with urbanization and the rise of big businesses, emerged a growing sense of needing to stand out in a crowd – leading to praise and ‘fascination’ with movie stars, bubbly employees, and outgoing leaders.  Further, this has fundamentally altered workplaces, shifting toward teamwork and group brainstorming models, open-dynamic and interactive offices, and high valuation of ‘talkers’ and ‘people skills’.  Yet this doesn’t necessarily correlate with higher innovation or productivity.  Society needs all kinds of individuals, pulling on the strengths of each.  Famous introverts include Warren Buffett, civil rights activist Rosa Parks, Charles Darwin, Al Gore, J.K. Rowling, Albert Einstein, Mahatma Gandhi, and Google’s Larry Page.  They are icons and leaders.

So do I need to put on an extrovert face to succeed, and meet the expectation of others?

While the international development sector may be more likely to attract extroverted personalities – particularly to front-line or field work – I resolutely argue introverts have their place.  Whether in the field or in a head office, there is plenty of need for skills such as listening, macro/micro-level and long-term thinking, deep analysis, and good writing.  My contributions may just be a bit different than that of extroverts, and maybe will take longer for others to see.  I’ll just have to – quietly, and in my own way – convince my work colleagues that I am passionate, engaged, and excited about my work; I just don’t wear it on my sleeve.

View from my new home.

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*A smile may be universal, but the degree and context of smiling is rather culture-specific.  While I am sure there are scientific studies aplenty, in my experience North Americans are particularly inclined to smile, for example, in photographs.  Smiling is also a common reaction to in an unsure situation.